God Complex
by Skitts
Summary: Or, alternatively titled, 'Why Light Yagami Should Never Be Allowed to Drive a Car. Ever.' :crack!fic:


**God Complex  
**_or,_ Why Light Yagami Should Never Be Allowed to Drive a Car. **Ever**.

**- - - - - - - --**,-- - - - - - - -

As the world's number one detective three times over, L Lawliet had been in a vast number of uncomfortable situations during his short little life. Unfortunately, he'd have to say there was a good eighty percent chance that _this _was one of the worst ones. Screw the numerous attempts on his life and the threats of being disembowelled with a small fruit knife – all of that was mere child's play compared to being in a car with Misa Amane in the back seat and Light Yagami behind the wheel.

"Bwahahahahahahahaha!" roared the megalomaniac (suspected) mass murderer, steering the car sharply around a bend in the road and very nearly killing a large group of pedestrians as he did so. Not that the untimely death of said pedestrians would be such a shame considering they were wearing such ugly clothes, but still. It was the unfair taking of human lives and all.

"Not to criticise your driving skills, Light-kun," L muttered in a way that suggested he _was_ going to criticise Light's driving skills, a vague feeling of motion sickness curdling at the pit of his stomach, "but I think it would be in your best interests if you slowed do-"

"Slow down? Never! _I_ am the driver of this car, Ryuzaki, and henceforth you must all obey me and do as I say!"

Well poo. How had L gotten into this situation anyway?

Oh yes, it was all that Amane girl's fault. She just _had_ to pin herself to Light's side all limpet-like and request that he take her out on a date to the mall on pain of puppy dog eyes and a lot of begging. Light had managed to refuse for a good six hours, twenty-three minutes and eleven seconds, but even Light had his limits. After six hours, twenty-three minutes and _twelve_ seconds he'd finally snapped and caved in to her evil desires of doom and stuff. And so, to conclude our sad little tale, here they were. On the way to the mall. In a car. That Light, apparently, had no idea how to drive. Or, if he did have an idea on how to drive, it had been learnt from a maniac with no hand-eye co-ordination who really needed to start taking some happy pills.

What _joy_.

"Misa-Misa feels like listening to some music."

Oh, and now Misa had reached forwards and turned the radio on, the shrill strains of some inane pop song filling the vehicle like stone-cold depression fills the hearts of those about to commit suicide (or, in this case, the hearts of those contemplating jumping out the car window).

"Move out of the way, you _cretin_! I am the ruler of the road now and you will all worship me as the unquestioned lord and master of the universe! Bwahahahahahahahahaha!"

And _there_ was the maniacal laughter again, mixed with a sharp squeal of tyres on tarmac as the car swerved yet again to avoid splattering another innocent pedestrian out of existence. Poor people didn't stand a chance, really.

"Light-kun! I think you need to slow down!" cried L, his elbow banging against the side of the side of the vehicle in a most painful manner.

"Fool! I do not need to slow down; everybody else needs to _speed up_! My driving is impeccable. Impeccable!"

"_I am a super-star with a big, big house and big, big car_!" Misa sang brightly from the back seat, bobbing her blonde head up and down to the bubblegum pop pouring out of the speakers.

"You've nearly killed eighteen-" _Screech!_ "-nineteen people in the past two minutes!"

"Exactly. _Nearly _killed! There is a difference, Ryuzaki!" Light replied, starting up another variation of his evil demonic laugh – this time with an extra dash of psychotic thrown in for variation!

"_I am a super-star and I don't care who you are_!" Misa continued to sing blithely, almost as if their lives were not in immediate danger and she was_ not_ going to end up a squished Gothic Lolita pancake of multiple fishnets and crucifixes.

Really, that girl's blind faith in Light Yagami was sickening. Or maybe it was Light's mad driving skillzzz (or lack of thereof) that was sickening. L hadn't decided yet.

"But if you keep it up you really _are_ going to kill us!"

"Nonsense! I'm a God and I am immortal and I have _everything_ under control! I know _exactly _what I'm doin-"

**Crunch!**

"Oh _shit_…"

**- - - - - - - --**,-- - - - - - - -

"Light-kun knew exactly what he was doing, huh? So I guess that was all part of some cunning plan, picking a fight with a bus?" inquired L in a conversational sort of manner, watching as their now crushed-to-cube car was towed away by a lorry. "Given the fact that when you were in a role of power your personality became crippled with a sudden god complex, I'm sad to say this raises my suspicions of you being Kira to about seventy percent."

"Drop dead, Ryuzaki," Light hissed through clenched teeth.

"Eighty percent," L retorted in a sing-song voice, nibbling the side of his thumb carefully.

**- - - - - - - --**,-- - - - - - - -

"Hey you guys! How was your trip?" asked Matsuda brightly, watching as the two handcuffed boys staggered back into the investigation offices with the air of soldiers returning from some sort of battle. They both seemed to be sporting enough war-wounds, L with many-a bruise and Light with a split lip, two very fetching black eyes and a multitude of cuts and scrapes. They also smelt very faintly of petrol and dead things.

However, besides all these minor abnormalities there was also something _else_ about the picture that wasn't quite right, something that Matsuda couldn't put his finger on... Hmn… There was L, there was Light, and there was also… There was also not a certain blonde fashion model everybody knew and (sort of) loved.

"Hey!" cried Matsuda in alarm, "Where's Misa-Misa?!"

There was a long pause.

Light turned to look at L.

L turned to look at Light.

"Damnit! I think I killed my girlfriend!"

"Ninety percent, Light-kun."

**- - - - - - --**f**in;**,-- - - - - - - -

**a.n: i was bored, i had writer's block, and then i got this really random idea… yay for scary kira-esque ooc!light D the song misa is singing is superstar by toybox. i love misa, but light unwittingly killed her. oh dear.**


End file.
